I miss Norway
I have so much more respect for returned missionaries.
They live in a place for two years. They learn the culture and they have to embrace it to some degree to be able to live there for those two years. They learn about the people and their general quirks and they learn to love them.
And then they have to leave.
How do their hearts not completely break? Because I was in Norway for seven weeks and my heart it having a rough time not breaking.
I knew that I would be sad to come back to the States and that I would miss Norway and my mom mentioned that I might even be a little depressed for a little while just because I had accomplished this major life goal and now I didn't have as much direction for my life. And I guess I felt all that a little bit. But mostly I was a little disappointed by how uninterested people seemed. Sometimes I would start talking about Norway and say something that made mom think of something else and pretty soon we were discussing the unimportance of hand-outs in Relief Society or something of the sort. What a let-down. Then my grandparents came to town because they wanted to hear about it, except not really. I'm not really sure why they came because they didn't seem super interested in what I had to say. And this was all really hard for me because it had been such a major event and I learned so much about myself - it really did change my life. I couldn't understand why people didn't / couldn't recognize that, but it was hard to explain.
Then I got caught up with Tae-Kwon-Do and my family went to the fair and I was sewing like a crazy person and the new-ness of my trip sort of wore off. I got used to being in the States again and I didn't mind it so much anymore. Yeah I missed Norway, but it wasn't like this gaping hole in my heart.
And then I came back to Provo. I don't know what happened, but now I miss Norway. Maybe it's because I'm surrounded my mementos of my trip (I have a Norwegian flag in my room and some other souvenirs, plus I keep trying to eat Norwegian food). Or maybe because I'm in a Norwegian class, so I'm constantly reminded via the language and the 9 RMs who comprise the rest of the class. Or maybe because now it's really obvious to me that I don't have another life-goal. This is not normal for me; I always have something I want to do or somewhere I want to go. But I guess I'm a little lost right now. It's hard to grasp the fact that I actually went to Norway. It was such a far-fetched dream that I didn't expect to actually realize for a long time and it suddenly dropped in my lap, so I guess a feel like things happened a little out of order. Of course they didn't because the whole thing was clearly directed by the Lord, but I feel a little jumbled.
I think I'm also a little bit like Marianne Dashwood - when something hurts or when I feel something deeply and passionately, I don't want to let go of it. I want to hang on to those feelings long after they should probably be put to bed. I loved being in Norway and I learned so much. I think I might be scared that if I don't think about and remember and long after Norway I will loose those things that I gained, and that really scares me.
So, I guess what it comes down to is that I ought to come up with a replacement goal. I suppose it will probably have something to do with the temple.
They live in a place for two years. They learn the culture and they have to embrace it to some degree to be able to live there for those two years. They learn about the people and their general quirks and they learn to love them.
And then they have to leave.
How do their hearts not completely break? Because I was in Norway for seven weeks and my heart it having a rough time not breaking.
I knew that I would be sad to come back to the States and that I would miss Norway and my mom mentioned that I might even be a little depressed for a little while just because I had accomplished this major life goal and now I didn't have as much direction for my life. And I guess I felt all that a little bit. But mostly I was a little disappointed by how uninterested people seemed. Sometimes I would start talking about Norway and say something that made mom think of something else and pretty soon we were discussing the unimportance of hand-outs in Relief Society or something of the sort. What a let-down. Then my grandparents came to town because they wanted to hear about it, except not really. I'm not really sure why they came because they didn't seem super interested in what I had to say. And this was all really hard for me because it had been such a major event and I learned so much about myself - it really did change my life. I couldn't understand why people didn't / couldn't recognize that, but it was hard to explain.
Then I got caught up with Tae-Kwon-Do and my family went to the fair and I was sewing like a crazy person and the new-ness of my trip sort of wore off. I got used to being in the States again and I didn't mind it so much anymore. Yeah I missed Norway, but it wasn't like this gaping hole in my heart.
And then I came back to Provo. I don't know what happened, but now I miss Norway. Maybe it's because I'm surrounded my mementos of my trip (I have a Norwegian flag in my room and some other souvenirs, plus I keep trying to eat Norwegian food). Or maybe because I'm in a Norwegian class, so I'm constantly reminded via the language and the 9 RMs who comprise the rest of the class. Or maybe because now it's really obvious to me that I don't have another life-goal. This is not normal for me; I always have something I want to do or somewhere I want to go. But I guess I'm a little lost right now. It's hard to grasp the fact that I actually went to Norway. It was such a far-fetched dream that I didn't expect to actually realize for a long time and it suddenly dropped in my lap, so I guess a feel like things happened a little out of order. Of course they didn't because the whole thing was clearly directed by the Lord, but I feel a little jumbled.
I think I'm also a little bit like Marianne Dashwood - when something hurts or when I feel something deeply and passionately, I don't want to let go of it. I want to hang on to those feelings long after they should probably be put to bed. I loved being in Norway and I learned so much. I think I might be scared that if I don't think about and remember and long after Norway I will loose those things that I gained, and that really scares me.
So, I guess what it comes down to is that I ought to come up with a replacement goal. I suppose it will probably have something to do with the temple.
As I find a new purpose, my life will gradually be refilled with all sorts of important things. And while Norway will always be a part of me and this past summer will always be held dear, moving on will be okay (this sounds like I'm breaking up with someone...) Just because I don't constantly try to relive every day doesn't mean that I've completely forgotten the things that I learned.
Comments
Post a Comment